They walk They talk They drink and eat and eat They move arms legs mouths feet They wag their tongues like tails They give and take but mostly take They make demands They bark out orders They capitulate Each one of them acting exactly the same They insist that they are just like me but I still have my doubts
I danced haphazardly over bridges aflame, upturned pales of gasoline and bad intentions swinging wild from blazing arms. The postcard came months later, all your mistakes extrapolated in ink, smudged wet with misery and the effortless leaking of time time time. You scrawled out drunk epiphanies that night in the rain when the bars closed and the sidewalks tired of our happy dancing feet, our constant – no, our endless – posturing, they ushered us to strange beds, too uncomfortable to sleep in – beds not built for sleeping in at all! And I hung portraits of your hungry face all over the walls of my skull, composed whimsically with the runny pastel watercolors of my youth and smeared over the repurposed canvases of bad memories that littered the floor... Drunk and intolerable, I can barely make them out anymore. Alone, and admittedly a bit touched, I raise a toast to the ghost of us then -- me: smiling, awkward; you: still, enchanting, spitting out my love like so many watermelon seeds.
I found my soul last night. We had gotten mixed up, separated somewhere in Brussels, I think, a few months back. I leveled some pretty serious accusations at him, out there in that biting wind. He just shrugged it off, and admonished me for all the things I hadn’t done on my own. There wasn’t much for me to say about that – we both knew he was right.
I began to ask him some pretty big questions, and relate the old familiar worries that had been nagging at me, chewing wild and eager on the corners of my mind.
As we sat there under the glittering sky, watching Orion fall apart, he didn’t say much of anything at all. I mean, I guess we’re back together, but not really on speaking terms.
This is for anyone who got into a bar fight with life recently who walked on eggshells or thin ice or through fire so someone else wouldn’t have to who did something grossly unreasonable or irresponsible and liked it and will do it again who gave more than they received who always will because they never learned how not to who loved or tried to love as though the world depended on it (it does) who felt more alive than dead and wasn’t ashamed to show it who danced in the rain or cried in a closet or went mad in an attic who realized there is no such thing as defeat or victory only the sweet sugar of struggle only the joy of perseverance who skipped work or school or dates to sit somewhere listening to birds who never needed an excuse or a reason to stand naked in the moonlight who camped shivering on a mountainside for two weeks to watch a forest become a rainbow who went to the ocean drowning in tears to come back cleansed and remade their skin full of saltwater and sunshine who wandered under canopies of skyscrapers when trees were hard to come by and ended up better for it who chased each glimmering moment with a butterfly net and bottled their laughter in mason jars who slept on a bench or low in a ditch or anywhere just to be under the stars who was more present than past or future and will always strive to be who made it this far who still feels ready to go further this is for you and you and you I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than you will ever know that I hope you never stop being beautiful you