i am trying to remember
the reasons
but my memory is
fuzzy
i do remember
each reason
had a name
a birthday and
a favorite color
each reason had
a dress size and
a favorite song
to shake it to
i remember
the reasons had blue eyes
or green eyes,
eyes like razor wire
or sunsets over the sea
and i remember one
with eyes like stained glass windows.
though her name escapes me,
i remember it tasting vaguely like a
stale Eucharist
on my rough tongue
and i can still remember
the desires
whispered over dirty pillowcases
vibrating in eager ears
and there were smiles
hanging on our faces
like banners
wide enough
to decorate the equator –
smiles followed inexplicably
by tidal waves of tears
arriving without warning
to sweep us out to sea
and i remember trenches
and moats,
i remember storming castles
and raising flags
against impossible odds
but that was long ago
so, so long ago
yes,
i remember,
back then
i still had my
reason