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my heart is an empty
stairwell

and the loneliness,
it echoes.

I got lost out there, somewhere under all that blue,
searching for the kind words
I never said to you.

there are days that fall upon you
like a pack of wolves
like a patient
tiger
like a roman
on his sword

there are days that scream
and howl
like an alarm clock
for your soul
like a childhood
bereft of innocence

there are days that maim
and bloody your senses
that invert your ideals
and cripple your will

there are days
like this
like this one
that we are lucky enough
to escape
alive,
sometimes

happy new year

I have been eating
little
and sleeping
less

outside
the temperature reads
-5 degrees

the sky is the same color as the ground:
ugly

and as I continue to sell
my hours
my days
the aggregate of my
life
to the highest bidder
I know have become complicit
in this farce they call
reality

I know
this is not living

this is merely
existing

and as I crane my neck
toward a sheet of clouds
I wonder
when will my courage
come back
to me

I’ve been blowing kisses to the years that passed us by.