some silences
being silences
say nothing

some silences
say more
than anything ever could

I only wish
I knew
which one it was
you meant to leave me with

I just know
it’s quiet

enough to hear
my tired heart

breaking

we were walking arm-in-arm
harmless, down the street, moving
as so many thousands of other couples
have before and always will,
looking through the windows
at all the things that people sell
to the people who must buy

i think it was the antique store
(or was it the pizza shop?)
where i froze, turned back
and shuddered in horror, and let out
a startled cry.

my shout, the suddenness of it
made you scream
— with amazement, with wonder
with all the strange surprise the
moment could muster.

you caught my eyes as i turned and
said, “what is it?”

i paused and said,
“oh, nothing.
it was nothing
at all.
must have just been
my reflection.”

i do not know why
i lied to you then.
but you smiled, and we carried on
with ourselves.

that was years ago, but the vision has
stayed with me
and you haven’t.

if you were here now
i think that i could finally tell you
what it was i saw
reflected there
all those years ago:

it was a pair of suicides:
one sudden; one very, very slow.
they were wearing rags and shadows
holding hands
building themselves an igloo of fire
at the very edge of the world.

what scared me was
i could not see their faces
but i knew who they were

and they were
smiling.

you see
my body
is a temple and

I desecrate it

I am forever remembering
all of the things I want to
forget.

i find my head
is turning
west
much more
than it used to

to share with me there in that bed a part of forever all that time swallows you said the moments devour themselves well i said i have been taking lessons in disappearing i know the trick of falling off the face of the Earth like sailors did once in a time before we recognized what and where and who were we to unbind the stars dull meaning poor explanations all the quaint ideas and unreasoning reasons that slept inside the hearts of men?
you see i have plied that ancient trade studied well the ways of willful ignorance and arrogant conceit but lets get married i said every day of my life spread out like a banquet of paltry meals poor dishes and so many bones consummate our love with a more perfect union of dunces that is the state we’ve come to know now you said i remember.
and i rode again with a face drained of color and empty eyes and empty stomach on the back of our nightmare to write your name across the sky with the oozing fluid of my memory and as i saw my reflection it struck me: it looks like i am dying much faster than i should be.

I am a dusty room
full of broken windows and
footsteps