I was hurrying out of the bookstore
with my backpack
when the alarm sounded

there were two women in front of me
an older old woman and a younger old woman

the younger old woman heard the alarm
stopped walking and said
what is that beeping? is that us?

stepping quickly past them, I said
no, I believe that that
was me

the older old woman
took one look at me and said
well, you certainly look guilty

I laughed and said
yeah, I get that a lot
it must be the hair

and all three of us laughed
before walking off
to wherever life would have us next

as I made my way around
the back of the building, I thought
well, one of us must be guilty

and I don’t mind
if it’s me

today

The police refuse to take my calls.
They insist — violently — that a heart
cannot be stolen. I said, well, I didn’t
lose it. And they said, well, maybe
you did.

have you ever felt too sad to cry?
like it’s not in your head,
but down in your chest
buried
deep inside your bones
and there is no way to get it out
of there?
like if it was lighter, if it could just float
up to your head, you could push it out
of all those holes and be rid of it.
but it’s not that kind of sadness.
it won’t float. it won’t rise.
it’s stubborn and it’s found a home down there.
it’s dug itself a burrow
made a den to sleep in
right next to your heart.
it’s not going anywhere.
have you ever known a sadness
like that?

the moon peaks through the blinds
to find our bodies
spilled together
on the sheets.

she dreams
quietly
beside me.

the bliss is
behind us
and the hours
i face now
are most unkind.

for i know deep down
in the well
of my self
that she will never stay.

it is written on her eyes
clear as a mountain
morning.

she is waiting for someone
else.

i know, i know.

i know.

but that does not stop me
from loving her
with all that is left
in me.

indeed
how could it be
any other
way?

i am still learning how to live
with these clouds
stuck in my eyes

the world always made more sense
with your tongue in my mouth

Oh, it’s been a long fall.

A long time
lost.

And from the bottom
I finally see
how I failed you
all.