there are days that fall upon you
like a pack of wolves
like a patient
tiger
like a roman
on his sword

there are days that scream
and howl
like an alarm clock
for your soul
like a childhood
bereft of innocence

there are days that maim
and bloody your senses
that invert your ideals
and cripple your will

there are days
like this
like this one
that we are lucky enough
to escape
alive,
sometimes

happy new year

I have been eating
little
and sleeping
less

outside
the temperature reads
-5 degrees

the sky is the same color as the ground:
ugly

and as I continue to sell
my hours
my days
the aggregate of my
life
to the highest bidder
I know have become complicit
in this farce they call
reality

I know
this is not living

this is merely
existing

and as I crane my neck
toward a sheet of clouds
I wonder
when will my courage
come back
to me

I’ve been blowing kisses to the years that passed us by.

the morning blushed as i sat remembering you.

Do you understand
what I mean
when I say
that most people
never live
their lives?

I catch my reflection in the window
as daffodils scream under the weight of the sun
and I notice
that I am old
and the light I used to see
glimmering there
in the moist well of my eyes
is absent
 
and I realize
that I have finally grown
dull
 
whatever it was
I used to see
hiding there
behind my eyes
I know
it
has left me

It happens:
A mutual friend
will say your name
 
and all at once
the memories
bloom
 
and I am overtaken
by visions
 
of jaguars
and funerals
and teeth
being pulled