i think i hear the phone
in my sleep

and i still see you
wandering through my dreams

but you don’t call,
and we don’t speak.

and it’s true: there is a hollow where your heart used to be.

you have the map now

you always
will

i pressed it into your skin
on those rainy nights
you slept beside me
in that other life

use it

use it and
find me

before it’s too late

we held such promise, once

now we have faded
grown dull and
weary

ashamed
resentful
we take the places
they earmarked for us
so long ago

the places we swore
we would never fill

disgraced
with shoulders bent
we shuffle on

and ruefully enter
our place
in their monstrous machine

I am sorry
for telling you
that I thought that
you were
wonderful

that I loved you

I am so sorry
I am

now I wish
I did not
mean it

Fuck

again i reach
across the blankets,
finding
nothing.

the hushed confusion
of absence
decorates this pillow
we shared,
my tired eyes;
everything.

i only know
i meant it:

every
single
word.